Apartment Amenities That Suck


María José BorjasConsult the crystal ball: landlords are scrambling to read your mind to know what amenities will attract you and keep you in their building. As the competition increases, so do the perks. At least in theory.

The New York Times
featured a story about apartment amenities that sound good in theory but in practice, well, they suck.

Do any of these sound familiar...


"Near the Elevator"

Living near the elevator is great when you're moving in, and a boon when you're moving out, but, well, here's the suckage: the near-constant grind of wheels and the all-hours gathering of noisy people. Going up? Nah, don't think so.

"Generous Patio or Balcony"
Make sure your patio is on a higher floor or adequately set back from your neighbors above. Otherwise, pull out the umbrella for the rain of discarded cigarette butts, or worse (used condoms, anyone?). Be sure to safely guard your pets, too. Sadly many cats use up life #9 jumping from too-high a balcony.

"Close Proximity to...."

Theatres, churches, and other blood-pressure-inducing locations have one thing in common: interruption at all hours by people who think their mission is the only one on earth. Avoid.

Some others they forgot to mention:

"Pre-War"
East Coast renters know the appeal of living in a grand old building: high ceilings, ornate details, and even novelties like decorative tile and turn-of-the-last-century fireplaces (working or not). Lovely to look at, but depending on insulation upgrades, a helluva challenge to heat.

"Swimming Pool"

West Coast renters love a dip at all hours. Sure, a few laps are pretty relaxing. Up until the arrival of the neighborhood, nudist perv.
 

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