Quicker than you can say "rental agreement," we have in store for you: someone who just wants to hang out short-term with a cool guy in a hotel room; a woman who will exchange sex for a place for her and her boyfriend to stay; and one charming fellow who apparently likes SLUTTY GIRLS.
Find out about these and other roommates-in-waiting in this edition of Rental Roommate Nightmares.
Atlanta, Ga.: Tonight only my hotel (downtown)
Looking for cool guys that might need a place to stay tonight. I am bi but not looking for sex...just looking to hang out with a str8 or bi guy who needs to get away. hit me back with a pic or stats and we can talk....im cool, good looking, discreet and just want a buddy for tonight.
Our Take: So why do you have to be discreet if you simply want a buddy to hang out with tonight in your hotel room. Or are you simply letting a str8 or bi guy crash in your hotel room out of the goodness of your heart? You little angel!
Phoenix, Ariz.: $375 OMG, it can't be this hard to find sane housemates over 40
After past disasters I am taking my time and am not looking to rescue anyone (again). I am looking for someone that is looking for a place to call home not just a landing spot.
Here is my list of things: (If any of these apply to you, please pass me by)
1. No, you cannot use the back room for a meth lab, I don't care how good you are at it and that it's your only source of income
2. I am glad you served your time for murder but my neighbors frown on the ankle bracelet
3. My front yard is not equipped for all the "Get out SEX offender" signs
4. Slumber parties are not for six 18 year olds and you (Mr., they make me feel young again)
5. My home is not a motel for your "dates"
6. Yes, I like men, no I am not looking for a live-in date (my dates go home, not to the other room)
7. I like male roommates because they don't take my clothes, my jewelry or my dates. Well, usually :)
8. I don't care about your sexual preference please don't care about mine :)
9. There is no master bedroom here. We are equals in this house and this is an OLDER home and I am over 40. I love ya, just don't want to raise ya.
10. I am not your cook or maid. See #8
11. I am really glad you are looking for a job and I hope you find one soon. Want to work off the deposit and part of the rent for the FIRST month? Key words there are "WORK" and "FIRST"
12. Yes, your kids and relatives can come for a VISIT. Again, keyword "VISIT"
Our Take: Apparently, if you don't fit the criteria of any of the above, you'll be a dream roommate. Sounds like he's lived with every bad roommate on the books. Gotta question his judgement.
Amsterdam, Netherlands: 2 nights stay for playtime with me! (Amsterdam)
I will be in the area August for two nights. Looking for a very nice place to stay central Amsterdam or nearby for me and my boyfriend. I will trade room for sex with me. We are respectful/professional couple, non-smoking, mid-30s. If interested, send me an email with where your place is located and then I will email you back so you can send pictures of your place.
Serious inquires only!
Our Take: Hmmmm? That's a straightforward offer. What you get to do is have sex with some guy's girlfriend while the two of them stay in your apartment. Nothing funny there. It sounds like some low-end version of the movie "Indecent Proposal" -- except instead of a million dollars it's a two-night stay. And we're intrigued by the photo they included (you'll have to visit the ad for that).
Queens, N.Y.: $510 I AM SEEKING A SLUTYY FEMALE ROOMATE (ASTORIA)
I LIKE SLUTTY GIRLS AND I DON'T EVEN CONSIDER THEM, SLUTS. JUST NORMAL. I MEAN THIS. I AM NOT YOUR AVERAGE JOE SHMOE AND I LIKE TO LIKE WITH GIRLS WITH TATOO'S, BIKER CHICS, MODELS, MASSEUSES OR NERDY SLUTTY LIBRARIAN TYPE . YOU DONT HAVE TO SAY YOUR SLUTY; JUST KNOW I LIKE IT. THE ROOM IS GOOD. LET ME KNOW IF YOUR INTERESTED. THIS IS NOT A SEX EXCHANGE SITUATION;YOU HAVE TO PAY RENT AND YOUR ROOM IS YOURS.
PS JUST BECAUSE I LIKE SLUTTY GIRLS DONT MEAN I AM A CREEP, BUT YOU PROBABLY DONT BELIEVE ME . I JUST AM WHO I AM A BIKER BUT YET I HAVE A DECENT JOB .
Our Take: I'm not clear on this one: Does this guy happen to like SLUTTY GIRLS? He's being really vague despite the fact that he's using ALL CAPS. Thank god your new roommate who likes slutty girls has a decent job. Otherwise you might think he's a COMPLETE CREEP.
For more to keep you up at night, read other Rental Roommate Nightmare editions.