By Neal J. Leitereg
In case you're in complete denial or have been living under a rock in recent days, it has become quite apparent that THE ZOMBIE APOCALPYSE IS UPON US, PEOPLE
. Reported horrific incidents of face-eating
, hush-hush hazmat evacuations
, and/or general cannibalistic mayhem can mean only one thing: It's high time we start preparing for the hordes of living dead that will soon begin roaming the world in search of delicious, delicious brains.
Not to minimize the human tragedy here, but what's a guy or gal to do? This particular writer never quite completed the necessary steps to earn his "Zombie Apocalypse
" merit badge, nor has he any crossbow-wielding, animal-skinning, shelter-building survival qualities to get him out of a pinch, let alone the jaws of the zombie formerly known as grandma
for that matter. However, what I can offer is my expertise in real estate -- prime, zombie-defense real estate capable of putting those with an unquenchable thirst for human flesh at a distance from you and your family.
Let's begin, shall we?
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